World News:"In what could be the most serious crisis in the history of butt wiping, the world's supply of toilet paper may soon plummet to zero! This, thanks to a labor dispute that threatens to paralyze, a toilet paper conglomerate. According to union spokesman Harvey Jarvis, tens of thousands of factory workers are prepared to go on strike if certain demands are not met, including shorter hours, higher wages, and clothing optional Fridays. Still, factory-CEO Rupert Frelkey refuses to negotiate. Those ungrateful baboons, they get all uppity. To hell with them! I'm already a billionaire. If the factory goes down the toilet, what's it matter to me? I'll just hire new workers for less money, I produce over half the world's supply of t.p., a company-wide strike would send shockwaves throughout the globe. There are plenty of substitutes for toilet paper, worker's said, such as parking tickets, credit card bills, and wedding invitations. Remember, lots of cultures have never even heard of toilet paper take the French, for instance. Don't know about the rest of you, grass and weeds won't be wiping this back-side. I need my T.P. "
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